Old Mountains, new challenges

Well boys and girls. I did it. It turned out to be a lot harder than I expected, but I found Mount Everest and sat my super behind on the summit. Guess what, it was cold, hard and even though it didn’t kill me, the wind was freezing and the air was really thin. I’d never noticed it when flying, but once I actually sat down at almost 30,000 feet and started mucking around with all the junk at the top, I discovered that it really isn’t all that much fun to be breathing frigid super thin air. And for all you pervy guys, yeah, you guessed it, I was flat wrong about that suitcase. I lost it somewhere over the ocean. So, in case any of you guys have like a satellite picture, if you look real hard at the top of Everest, you might catch a glimpse of me wearing icicles for pasties.

After that, though, the trip was something of a disappointment. There were not only no cute mountaineers up there needing rescuing, there were none at all. They must only like climb at certain times of the year or something, because the winds were, well, way nastier than I think any human being was going to be able to handle. I even got knocked off the summit once, when I wasn’t paying attention. This time of year, at least, Everest was like a real downer. All I saw was stuff climbers had left, ice and snow, plus way too many dead bodies.

But, well, get this. All that ice and snow sort of gave me an idea. I hear that hurricanes are caused by like warm water, right? They like feed off I or something. Well, it seems to me that if you could like drag an iceberg down and plop it into the gulf of Mexico, it’d be like dropping an ice cube into a cup of coffee, and might like decrease the hurricanes and stuff. Don’t worry, I’m not going to go messing with the global climate just yet. I know better than to go off half cocked. There’s like some logistics I have to work out first.

For example, I doubt even I could like carry a really big iceberg all the way from the arctic to the tropics. I’m no physicist, but I have noticed that its not so easy to pick up huge rocks and things and toss them around. Like, well, cars are the easiest example. In the comic books, I hear superman used to pick up cars by the bumpers. I tried that once, and the bumper came off in my hand. I’m thinking, that even if I’m strong enough to fly while carrying an iceberg (which I’m by no means sure of), that the thing might be too heavy to bear its own weight once I took it out of the water.

Now, I could like tow it in the water, but if I did it to slow it might melt, and if I went too fast, I might cause, um, other problems, like tidal waves and stuff. I think.. I think I need somebody smarter than me to help me try and figure out how to stop hurricanes.

Any volunteers?

D