Back and as distracted as always

Hey guys,

Its been like ages since I got on here, which I really apologize for and all, but, well, hey, lets face it, just cause I’m bulletproof and can make origami out of steel doesn’t mean that I’m like super-responsible or have my shit all together. I’m pretty much as messed up as the next girl, at least where the whole learning to be an adult thing goes.

Reading my last post, its kind of ominous that it was about Ted. Jeez, Ted. What can I say. Ted’s like… well, thank heavens he’s not really toast, although he came pretty close awhile back. I really, well, to be honest with you, writing about Ted is just like the last thing I want to do right now, on account of, well, its painful, but since I wrote about him before, I guess you guys have a right to know why he’s not gonna show up here in the same sort of way anymore.

At first, having Ted know about me was way cool. I mean, here was a guy who knew my biggest secret and he was like cool with it. But after a couple of weeks, it started to like get old. Ted was, well, like totally dependent I guess is how I felt, even though I know that’s not how it really was. Only, well, it sure did feel that way to me. Ted started like disintegrating on me, acting like a little frantic puppy or something, always waiting to get his back scratched and his tummy rubbed. Don’t get me wrong, I liked rubbing his tummy, but it just wasn’t cool when, well, he stopped being Ted and started being like, um, a pet who needed to be cared for all the time and all.

Plus, he misbehaved. No, he didn’t wet the rug, although he did mess with the sheets a couple of times. But he just, well, he couldn’t seem to get it through his head that I needed to keep my superpowers a secret. Oh, he never TOLD anyone or anything like that, but it was totally obvious that he was …. what was it his sister said…. bewitched? It sounded like possessed to me, and, well, it did get sort of freaky when he started acting like nothing in the world mattered except me. Yeah, I know I liked that, at first, but then, I mean, give me a break, we both gotta go to school, and a healthy guy, he shouldn’t be mooning over a girl ALL the time. Especially not when she’s got loads of other stuff to do.

Now, some of you pervy guys may think this is about sex. Well, guess what … you’re both dead right and dead wrong. It is, because, well, I think sex is something that was lurking between the two of us the whole time, and because, well, lets face it, it’s the thorn in my invulnerable skin and as far as Ted goes, well, no matter how big a deal he said it wasn’t, I knew better. The guy wanted me bad, and, um, well, I just couldn’t handle that up close all the time, not when I wanted him too, sort of. Only, there wasn’t anyway I was going to get what I wanted, and honestly, there wasn’t anyway he was going to get what he needed.

If I didn’t care about Ted, maybe I’d have kept it up. Some of the things we did, well, they were sort of cool and it was nice to be able to get inventive and all, but … lets face it, I didn’t want my friend Ted to be reduced to messing with power tools to try to get me off. Its, well, humiliating for him, and pretty damned frustrating for me, especially when they didn’t do all that much better than he did in the first place.

But the worst, the absolute worst part of it all was that I had to break it off. He couldn’t, and poor Ted didn’t even have the sense to try when I started cracking under the pressure. That’s right I cracked. I didn’t really hurt him, but I could, and, um, well, I almost did, just by yelling at him. My voice can get pretty loud and I’ve burst eardrums before. We had like several of those near miss things, when I caught myself just in time and ran off to get a handle on my emotions in a safe place. But me running off, it made things worse, I think.

In the end, I finally just girl handled him, telling him flat out that I was tired of the b.s. He couldn’t do shit for me where I wanted it, and it was just sick and twisted for me to let him waste his frigging life on a girl like me. So, that’s it, I said, “no more sex stuff. I want to be friends,” I said.

Ted took it well, I guess, not that he had any choice in the matter, and, well, its still like freaky between us, but I think, I hope anyway that it is getting better every day.

Damn, I just realized, I haven't posted in months, and when I did, its like a drippy personal kind of staring at my navel kind of thing about my non-relationship with a guy whom I’m still friends with, but let’s face it, he’s not my type. Honestly, I’m not sure he could keep up with me emotionally even if I didn’t have to worry about rolling over and squishing him, but we’ll never know. But the point is, well, I KNOW lots of you guys expect more sex and violence from me than that. Well, F-you if you can't wait. I'll get around to heroic stuff anyway, and some of it is violent and sexy, I guess, although... well, there’s still like no real sex in my life. And according to Bill Clinton, there probably never will be. Of course, I could take up cigars…

D